Hate finds a way!
Now that I have some perspective on the event, I’d like to share my experience of Inauguration-town. I don’t know if you know this, but Washington DC already IS THE FUTURE. The trains look like something out of Tron, people smile and make eye-contact with each other, and crack/murder is legal.
I had a great time at the Inauguration, though it was the most bi-polar mass of people I’d ever been a part of: huge black dudes (in trees) wearing big coats and bawling while the new president walked down the Capitol steps, people of all races screaming with joy as he spoke, then an immediate New Yorker-type switch to “Now let’s get the fuck outta here!” The robo-poet (another sign of the future) starts her stilted mechanical “pick the cotton and lettuce” speech, and the whole party turns into a shitty rave (sans ecstasy). I touched at least a thousand people, all trying to shift away from a line of porta potties, and toward people selling buttons for $12. I just kept my train ticket with Barack’s face on it (thanks, Tron trains!).
At the back of the crowd, near the Washington Monument where I stood, a man held a sign that said this:
But the sign absolutely failed. Only a few people stopped to talk to these idiots, and my guess is that they were a group of “HOMOS” that wished not to be associated with “MORMONS.” Barack 1. Jesus 0 (since the Inauguration, that is. if you count the last 2,000 years, the score’s a little tipped, BUT GIVE THE MAN AT LEAST 100 DAYS!). I saw Rick Warren the next day on the street, and he hugged a gay man in front of some cameras, and claimed “we’re gonna have a dialogue soon!” A gay man next to me said: “Now let me wash my face before anyone kisses it again!” Hope, Change, Prop. 8! If anyone wants to start the rumor that Warren made that shitty sign, I will not argue.
All said and done, I stood out in the cold until I couldn’t feel my toes, only to find out later that we’d taken a tip from the Chinese Olympics (or Ashlee Simpson, depending on whether you think the glass is half-empty or half-full), and recorded Yo-Yo Ma’s performance ahead of time. THEN, just in case some “lawyers” started any debates, they had Obama take the oath again! So really, 1.8 million people gathered to freeze their asses off, and listen to recorded music.
Still, an exciting moment in Black History, in America’s History. Which is good news for Charles Barkley who recently told a police officer he’d have the cop’s name tattooed to his ass if he could get out of his DUI. (STILL A ROLE MODEL, Charles!) Seriously, when would that cop ever use that information? He’s going to be sitting on the couch with his friends:
Man, that Charles Barkley sure is funny!
Yeah…You know…I met him once.
Cut to an hour later:
NO, it’s not a “gay” thing!
I followed suit, and tattooed Barack’s name to the top of my penis, which prompted him to step out of the “BEAST” on his way to the White House just to get a glimpse. Except, it was freezing, so the name looked more like a barcode on the top of a fun-sized Payday.
Small penis: $0
Freezing that penis off to see the first African-American President take the White House: Priceless.
