Shortly after General Patraeus resigned as the head of the CIA last week, an advice column from July resurfaced on social media. In it, Chuck Klosterman (NYT ethicist) offers advice to a person who appears to be Paula Broadwell’s husband concerning the affair between Broadwell’s wife and General Patraeus. This theory was later proven false but not before Chuck Klosterman published a series of other questions he received anonymously that (in light of this scandal) may shed light on future scandals:
What Goes Around Comes Around
My wife is having an affair with a very public, very symbolic person in government. By symbolic, I mean he was the first something to be elected something. I can’t give too many details for fear I might reveal who I am, suffice it to say that I have clocked many hours aiding this man’s work by speaking on his behalf and on behalf of a large political group to which we both belong. Can’t say which one, but it’s big. And popular. It wins many popular things. If you asked random people on the street what they thought of this guy, a little more than half, I’d say 53% would say they liked him.
Here’s the rub, not only do I not wish to ruin my wife’s reputation but I should also admit here that I have not had the greatest track record when it comes to fidelity. I held the same position that my wife’s lover held once, and after much denial of what transpired with a younger woman, I ended up paying a great price. So my question for you is this: Should I reveal what’s going on? It might ruin the chance to fix the deficit- Whoops! I mean fix the many problems in America.
My Husband, the Embezzler.
I don’t want to give too many details, but my husband is the current CEO of a major American corporation that most around the world are familiar with. The name of the corporation has something to do with fruit. But they don’t make fruit. They make…technology. Anyway, my husband, who most do not hold in the same esteem as the man he replaced, recently admitted he’s been embezzling money from this corporation. “Who’s gonna know!” he said to me, “the company made so much on [the last product], no one will ever know it’s gone! And if we need to make the money back, I’ll just develop a smaller version of [the product] that does exactly the same thing [the older product] did!”
Should I tell someone what he’s doing? I fear the company will lose its ability to deliver new, updated versions of the exact same product every year should I expose him.
My husband is the founder and CEO of a certain entertainment company that made it simpler for people to rent and watch movies. Without giving anything away, I’ll tell you that he got in some trouble last year for trying to change the business model of the company. Recently I found out that not only has he been heading up a prescription drug ring for the members of the company’s board, he’s also never seen Fried Green Tomatoes! On our first date I brought it up, and he said “Oh, I love that movie!” but now I see he was just trying to get in my pants! The nerve! He should not be in charge of the way people see movies when he hasn’t seen one of the best. I’m torn. Torn like a faulty red envelope that are frequently associated with this service he provides. Should I tell the world he’s a fraud? Or should I keep it a secret?
What to Expect When You’re Not the Father
My wife recently took over as the CEO of a major search engine site. I don’t want to give away the name for fear she’ll get in trouble. Here’s a hint: the company she left rhymes with “frugal” as in what I’ll have to be if she ever kicks me to the curb, and the company she now runs is something you might say if you were really excited about something in the 1890s. But I’m not excited. Here’s why: she was pregnant at the time of her switch, but the child is not mine. It belongs to a certain news anchor who left MSNBC awhile back. No names, but he used to talk about sports but then switched to reading James Thurber on television. Don’t want to give too much away but his name rhymes with “Doberman.” What do I do? Tell the world the first pregnant CEO of a Fortune 500 company got knocked up by someone who was not her husband? Or just keep it to myself?
An Inconvenient Truth
My ex-husband, Al Gore, was born a woman. I don’t have a question. Just wanted you to know, Chuck! Print it if you want!